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Archive for the ‘I Hate Everything About The Cubs’ Category

Cub Fans Quotes

Posted by Kris N. on August 20, 2010

Similar to how DOB supplies quotes from inside the clubhouse, I’d like to provide quotes from the stands. Every time I go to a Braves game while they’re on the road, the home team fans give me some good quotes that make me want to stab a tree or something. For example:

Braves vs. Cardinals: (Last year)”Skip Schumaker was totally snubbed out of the All Star Game”

Braves vs. White Sox: (I was wearing a #25 Andruw Jones Braves jersey, being cute like that) “Hey, you should trade in that jersey because Chipper Jones sucks.”

Tonight was no disappointment as I present the Cubs fans to the Hall of Stupid:

(Completely trashed, holding a digital camera, attempting to take a group picture) “Which camera do I press? (Awkward silence) Hey, I’m not good with high technology”

That quote came from a woman who was with a group of 9-10 drunks. They were sitting right next to us, and were completely entertaining throughout the entire afternoon. The highlight was when they started screaming at each other, and one turns to us and says “We’re like the Adams Family or something, we’re always like this!” (Don’t really understand how the hell the Adams Family are like them in any matter.) So I stupidly replied, “You guys should be on TV.” I think she took offense to this and was about to tell the rest of the group when the mom starting pushing her Iraq War Veteran of a son into the next row. Yes, pushed him clear into the space between the chair’s back below and the girl’s back occupying the seat, spilling her beer everywhere. Boyfriend upset, Security came, choice four letter words were used generously. All this was happening when the Braves were doing nothing inparticular, so I was, of course, watching every developing plot line.

(After the Infante solo home run) “You’re not even paying attention, who just hit a homer?” “The Brave one?”

(During the chop) “Why are you doing that? You are all racists, that belongs to the Indians”

Stay classy Chicago.

Tonight was a great game. I remember watching the ninth inning play out, I predicted seven walks, but as usual, I was wrong and was made a fool of as Marmol only walked three. Derrek Lee made an awful swing on the first pitch, so bad my buddy asked if he was setting up Marmol. (Setting up a pitcher involves swinging out of your shoes at a pitch you can handle to get the pitcher to throw it again.) I just rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders. He struck out on three pitches. I’ll be honest, I boo’ed him only because he should have known better. He’s watched Marmol blow so many games at first base because of lack of command, and he swings at all three pitches and misses. McCann walks and I knew this game was tied. Alex Gonzalez walks; I thought they’ve got a shot to win it. Melky Cabrera strikes out on three pitches, and I began to lose faith. Rick Ankiel had worked either a 2 – 2 count or a 1 – 2 count (I don’t remember), and I closed my eyes to listen to the next pitch. All I could hear was screaming, I couldn’t believe the Braves fell short, but then my friend starts screaming as well. That was weird, why was he screaming? I open my eyes and I see the ball traveling down the right field line, and The Braves fly into home plate like clock work. Un – be – liev -able. Braves won 5 – 3.

Some Atlanta fans got a Tomahawk Chop going, I tried to supply the 8th notes in percussion (banging onto an empty seat). Apparently it was heard on TV. Go us!


Posted in I Hate Everything About The Cubs, Miscellaneous | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Riddle Me This, Braves Fan

Posted by Kris N. on August 20, 2010

There are a few things I don’t understand about this Braves team and baseball all together:

Why is it when an offense scores a ton of runs, they shut down for the next couple of games?

We see this a lot in baseball, when a team breaks out into double digit runs, they go into a slump. See the Braves this year:

Date Runs Next 2 Games
4/5 16 3 0
5/16 13 2 3
6/10 11 1 3
7/24 10 4 0
8/4 8 3 2
8/11 8 1 1
8/17 10 3 ??

Why does this happen?

Is it merely the cruel law of averages playing itself out? Because the runs per game happens to be 5.1, and the Braves season total is 4.5, kind of close. I think the bigger question is why does it level out in the next 2 games? It’s a mystery.

Why aren’t closers used in the 8th?


Top of the 8th at Turner Field, Phillies: 0, Braves: 1. Due up: Victorino, Utley, Howard. Obviously this is a high leverage situation, the Phillies best opportunity for the Phillies to score, and this is Billy Wagner time. At least, it should be. Most likely Johnny Venters will be used in this situation, which isn’t all that bad. Venters is having a better season than Wagner, but not all teams have the most dominating lefty to come out of the bullpen. In fact, the Braves are the only one. However, in other team’s cases, the closer is the best pitcher, and should be used in the highest of leverage situations.

Let’s say in this situation, Wagner gets the Phillies to all strike out and we move to the top of the ninth. The Braves have an opportunity to get some insurance runs once more, but they don’t. Who closes the game? It should be your second best reliever. Yes, top of the ninth with a one run lead is still a high leverage situation, but you’re (theatrically) facing worse hitters. Instead of the two, three, and four spouts, you’re facing the five, six, and seven spots.

The only reason I can come up with as to why you would pitch Wagner in the ninth is because he won’t get a save. I still think it’s a bad one, as the team stats are more important than the individual’s. In this specific case, Wagner is trying to accumulate as many saves before he retires. But let me ask you this, if this were an actual game, say October 1st, 2010, and the division is on the line, would it matter?


The answer is no.

For there to be a save situation in the ninth, you need a scoreless eighth.

Why must the starting pitcher throw 100 pitches?

This is a Bobby rule that drives me crazy. Like last night, why was Lowe allowed to pitch in the seventh? After six semi decent innings, he was at 87 pitches. In hindsight, it didn’t hurt the Braves because he pitched a scoreless frame, but it could have. And it does in this next situation.

August 10, 2010: Braves at Astros, when Brooks Conrad hit the ninth inning homerun. Jair Jurrjens was cruising through 6 innings in a 1 – 0 Braves lead. After a scoreless 7th, he was at 86 pitches, and about to the face Houston lineup for the 4th time. He should have been pulled from the game here. No pitcher should have to face the lineup for the 4th time. But, because JJ has to throw 100 pitches or else his arm falls off, or something ridiculous, he did, and they scored 2 runs.

Reward the pitcher for being so economic by giving him rest. Just because he made it to the 8th inning with 80 pitches, doesn’t mean he needs to pitch more, that’s what a bullpen is for.

The Chicago Cubs?

I just don’t get it. It doesn’t make any sense. For someone who thinks that Chicago has the best fans because they love their Cubbies even when they lose and still support them, let me tell you, they don’t. The reason they’re attendance is so good is because Wrigley Field is a hot spot in Chicago. People go there to enjoy the weather, drink beer, talk to friends, and look at girls. It’s essentially a 108,000 square foot outdoor bar, with a couple baseball games here and there.

And it was sure nice of the Cubs to throw Steve Bartman under the bus as an excuse for terrible play in the postseason, rather than owning up like men. No, no, throw your glove and cry Moise Alou.

I might be going to the game today. I want to let Derrek Lee know what real fans are like.

Posted in Analysis, I Hate Everything About The Cubs | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

A Day In The Life of a Typical Cubs Fan

Posted by Kris N. on April 8, 2010


My name is Sally BoButtons. I am a Cubs fan. This is my story.

I awoke today and took a glance around my Chicago house, spring cleaning was finally done. My husband was off and my child, Beangelia, was no longer sick. 🙂 It was then when I had my idea. I should see the Cubs. I told my husband of this idea and he loved it. A quick trip to the computer, a flight booking to Atlanta on, and a couple of Braves tickets from Stub Hub later, he had our tickets. I took the tickets out from the printer, got my baby, packed up the dvd player, and grabbed my passport (can’t forget that, right?). Before you knew it we landed in Atlanta with our rental car.

I dropped my hubby and baby off at the gate. I parked the car and kinda got lost. I asked this man if he could help me find my way, but he was ignoring me. I asked again, STILL IGNORING ME!! Braves fans are so rude!! So I said: “LISTEN YOU!! I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO GET TO MY SEATS!! WHAT KIND OF AN USHER ARE YOU!!!!” It was then that he tried to hit me with his bat!!! 😯 I took a picture off him to show it to the Atlanta authorities, if you find him please call the police! Here he is:

This man is no good!!

Anyways, I got away from that scary and awful man. My husband found me! Thank God! And we preceded to our seats. The game started, and it was boring but then this guy, like, totally hit the ball far and next thing I know, the Cubs score is not 0, but 1. Then, I got  bored again. So I took out my DVD player and started watching “Ice Age 2.”

O...M...G... We got out the big shiny thing in CF!!!!

And that’s when the drama happened, and I’ll try my best using my literature degree from DeVry University to go into full detail of this drama. Ok, so, like, first the squirel had this acorn, and then he lost it, but he found it again, and he lost it a 2nd time! WOW!

Ice Age 2 really spoke to me. But it was hard to concentrate with all these annoying people screaming and stuff. They are savages.

Eventually the battery died, and I looked over and my husband was making out with this Cubs fan, and I was like, “How dare you!” but then I saw it was a guy, and I was like, “OMG!”

His name was Terri, with an I

So one divorce and a broken home later, my husband moved to Boystown, IL with Terri and their Cuban pool boy Greg, and I’m stuck here in Atlanta, being watched by…… HIM.


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